You can do it!

Happy New Year!

Tiz the time for resolutions and new beginnings, setting goals, and getting rid of what does not benefit you.

This last week, I had my first winter break in what feels like forever. I wish I did more with my time off or really took advantage of it but instead, I got into a huge argument with a neighbor for being parking hogs and it resulted in them “doughing” my car only a few days later. I was livid, especially at the fact that I can’t press any charges because there’s no proof that they did it (though SUPER OBVIOUS, UGH)… but mostly, I was sad that these people have the mental state to do such a thing. Especially as a business.

This whole incident had taken up my mental and emotional being for about 7 days total. My break was 11 days long. During that 11 day long break, I wanted to travel down to SoCal or Hawai’i. I wanted to draw and make plans for the upcoming new year. I wanted to be productive… Instead, I let these people get the worst of me and I allowed myself to be swallowed by the bullshit.

I let myself lose focus.

I was so riled up that I didn’t focus on the holidays, I didn’t focus on the things that I planned to do, I put all my energy towards this…. incident…. It took over me… It felt like it broke me.

I tried sketching the other day and fuck, I felt like I sucked again. I couldn’t make a face look right, the features were off, everything was off. I was lost as to what I even wanted to sketch even though I literally just made a whole list of things that I wanted to draw. And yet, I still didn’t feel good about it.

I let myself lose focus again.

I spoke with a potential coach. I’m super interested in paying someone to motivate me and believe in me as well as helping guide my next steps. This whole thing is scary and I’m not even sure if I’m making any of the right moves but it’d be nice to have someone help push me along. What’s funny is, all it is is YOURSELF making YOUR OWN GOALS and them reminding you to do them. It also gives you a sense of accountability. You are literally investing in yourself…. Only problem is, it’s out of my budget! and the coaching sessions are during my work hours :( I’d have to make something happen.

This reminded me to not lose focus.

I have "big plans”. They may not be BIG in the same sense other people may see as big but they’re bit to me. Bigger than I could imagine. But not big enough that you’d see me on billboards or subways. But big enough that I would be surrounded by people who really support my art. And so… here are some goals I want to accomplish for the year, moves I want to make… but I also need to do things tactically, for now, while I can.

Some of my goals for this year include:
- More personal illustration work. Portraits. Revisiting series I started but havent finish. Maybe start anew or pick up and work my way back.
(Sailor Scouts. Sanrio. Marvel Swimsuit Edition)…
- More cannabis and pinay related illustrations. These would be like… areas of study for me. Studying both cultures while living them (heh) would allow me to create more work about them. These are things I’d like to share with you all.
- Do more plant and portrait studies. I find that I want to draw or paint pretty plants but ughh I suck. But really, I don’t… Because I HAVE drawn flowers from studies and I should just do them rather than wish that I was better at them. Same with portraits :P
- Create more illustrations for organizations and charities. I love being an active part of the community in small and large ways. As you know, one of my goals is to have a small percentage of my sales go towards an organization that can provide services to those in need.. such as those with breast cancer, animal and environmental welfare, as well as non-profits for youth and homeless families. Outside of this, I want to continue to volunteer… This time, I’m shooting for a garden so I can take pics for this next goal.
- Open a “passive income” shop like Society6 or Printful. I have a few ideas but mainly I’d love to use Printful to print on clothing, like sports bras and leggings using #kaliedoscopeclaire. This would also force me to take new photos as well as taking full advantage of Photoshop or Illustrator… cuz I can T_T
- Embroider clothing/make my own clothing. This is a stretch. Embroidery takes up a lot of time for me and I’m lost as to how I want to design my shirts. I had an idea but it was a small one. The type of tops I want are also hard to come by at an inexpensive price. Either I make em myself or maybe thrifting is in order.
- Make zines. Drawing simply is a challenge. Creating a story is a challenge. Making a small, tiny, cohesive book (maybe it doesn’t even have to be a story?!) would be the goal. Have a few ideas… like a Filipino language book for bebe’s…
- Actively use Patreon. This is a tough one for me because… I don’t create consistently and am not really sure how to start. This is definitely a scary way to make yourself accountable… like oh shit. IT’S REAL! I like the way Frannerd does it cuz she explains that because of Patreon, she is able to do her studies, buy specific material, and go to certain places in order to make more art for her followers. What a great way to support an artist!
- Attend more art/plant/interest related events. Explained a bit more below.

These are only my art related goals … I do wish at times I didn’t have to “work” so I can get to work but ya girl needs to eat. But hey, isn’t that why Patreon and commissioned work and all that exists?

The second to last reason why no one may like my art is this:

25. You aren’t aware of the world around you

Maintaining a healthy interest in the world around us and the knowledge accrued through doing so will add a depth to your art and the service you provide for the better. I wrote in another post that eradicating ignorance is one of the biggest hurdles to progress of any kind. It will likely benefit your creativity too.

I’d like to believe I have a healthy interest in the world around me… but that definitely did not show during my break. I thought I’d force myself to wander and get inspired but instead I did the opposite, I allowed myself to lose focus and be angered and all up in my head… But it was a good reminder that I really do allow myself to lose focus… That instead, I should be doing the things I love and surround myself by what inspires me so that I can create beautiful things for you all. I also should be surrounding myself with people that support me. Sometimes this feels very lonely… but I’m not sure what’s worse, not knowing you have supporters or have people tell you to do the exact opposite of what you love to do.

Last year, I wanted to attend more fairs, cons, and other plant/earthy related events and I literally WENT TO NONE. I scribbled them down onto post it notes and never posted them back up for me to keep track of. This time, I took the time to put all the ones I wanted to go to in my calendar so that it’s readily in my phone and I can plan my upcoming days around it.

This isn’t to say this last year wasn’t all crap. I got to visit the Philippines with my family and B, we attended quite a few weddings, my sister is finally my age when she was born (or conceived?), I attended the Entrepinays summit, I completed TWO commissions this year (hoping to double that…..), anddd I’m still here.

Like I told the coach, “I’m not gonna do all this then decide to stop.” I want to keep going, I just need to be going in my direction.

^ click me ^

Here’s the last commission (unedited except for a few clean ups) I did for Kaya Essentials. “Kaya Natin” means “we can [do it]” in Tagalog and the pin on her shirt stands for Gabriela Silang, a Filipina revolutionary leader who fought against the Spaniards during the British occupancy. The Brits said they were gonna help too but they also suck…. they did not 🙄

Learning about this was really cool and painting a brown woman for a really awesome brand was even cooler. I can’t wait to try their products as well as support their cause. For each purchase, a school meal is provided for for a child in the Philippines. How awesome is that? Just being in Novaliches, you can see that the children aren’t being very well taken care of… Neither are their efforts for the earth (I watched someone drink from a plastic cup then mindlessly let it fall from their hands onto the street… with all the other trash 😭)

I was also kind of nervous pursuing this. If you follow me, you’d know I’ve been mainly working with markers lately and it’s been quite a while since I’ve made a full watercolor piece, with NO INK in fact :o but I absolutely LOVE how it turned out and overall, what I was able to accomplish… I’d love to get back into working with watercolor combined with ink and markers and hope to see that in upcoming works .

I also hope to keep up with “diary-ing”. I definitely worry if all I’m doing is complaining or actually being real about my struggles and efforts. I’m also just ONE POINT AWAY from trying to prove to myself why no one likes my art but with every point, I continue to prove myself wrong. Obviously, people are into what I make and I hope to make more!

*Here’s to an abundant 2019*

❤ ClarizeYale

P.S. I made a Ko-fi. If you’re out there reading this and you want to help support me in a tiny way, I’d really appreciate it. If you can’t support me financially, telling others I’m awesome, sharing my working, and even letting me know you love my art are wonderful ways to let me know you care.

P.P.S. I’m trying to figure out a way to brand myself… whether it’s visually or verbally, I am me and I guess… that’s part of my “brand” … my identity. Does it make sense that I have a sour mouth and a sweet heart? ;P