Moving On

Hello my loves!

I have decided to move my diary/journal/blog onto my PATREON to keep blogging in one specific area. Please consider supporting me further by following me or being a patron as I continue to share my process, thoughts, and research.

I will keep this up here for those interested in seeing my thoughts and processes from the past.

Thank you!

❤ ClarizeYale

At last...

And here we are… We’ve made it to the last possible reason why no one likes my art based off of this link I found randomly online when I was asking myself why have I not yet been successful. I started late November 2016 and it is now the night before the new moon in February 2019 and since then, no one’s purchased a thing from me… ACTUALLYYYY… that’s a lie and we all know that! Though it’s been a “long” and slow journey, things have happened since then and I couldn’t be more proud. (this is also a lie, I was actually super disappointed in myself sometime before writing this)

Since I first started this, I’ve done 2 commissions, sold a few prints, and was able to donate proceeds from prints to those affected by the Camp Fire last year (plus or minus a few other things). That’s pretty fuckin awesome to me… Though part of me still yearns for more time to create and focus and not feel so depleted by the end of the day or week. I don’t know how some artists do it but I have the hardest time staying focused or keeping consistent.

I’m currently in a stage of… “stuck”.. or is it really stuck? I am back to feeling as if I don’t know what my style is or if I could even draw still. It’s a strange, sick cycle and it sucks! So to keep me kind of going without being too serious, I’ve reupped my 100 days project. I stopped somewhere around 15 last year and have been doing 1 to 3 a day and am now at 42. I haven’t gone this far before and it’s kind of cool.

But I’m also not taking it too seriously….

26. You take it too seriously

This is easier said than done if you care a great deal for your craft. However, often the thing you need most in improving the quality of your work is to shift your mindset. Make a conscious decision to enjoy your process, your business, your customers.

Calming down and seeing the joy in what you do will have a profound effect on your output.

I started drawing on post its a few years ago. I’ve attempted the 100 days project a few times before when I purchased this book but every time I did it, I never got too far. It seemed like I didn’t allow myself to relax and have fun with the doodles but tried to stay all moody and broody…. I actually started this with the intent of keeping consistent with an instagram pod… I was kicked out due to inactivity…. I really wanted to finish this up so I told myself to keep going. So far, these drawings have been easier to tackle but at the same time, is one of the most challenging because I decided to doodle everything using my non-dominant hand.

As I’m drawing and writing, I feel like I’m a 5 year old holding a pencil for the first time. Everything’s jagged and marks get made where I don’t want them. I’ve also decided that with this challenge, I wouldn’t restart a drawing either. It’s gonna be shitty anyways so it’s not like anyone would notice…. It’s really been fun. /sarcasm.

I really do love how everything is turning out though. Knowing that I can make a flower look like a flower and not just chicken scratches. I’ve been really into it that the other day, I realized I’ve only been drawing with my left hand for a few days straight and I felt as if I forgot how to draw with my right hand. It was pretty scary but also comforting knowing that doing this challenge made me realize that if anything were to happen, I can always teach myself again. This could apply to anything.

But… I think what’s an important factor is that I am having fun. I would hate to have to relearn math any more challenging than algebra knowing that I don’t want to or have to use it again. Math is cool when you understand it and learn it but I also don’t have a use for it. (This is probably going to kick me in the ass in the future). I want to relearn how to use different tools for painting, this is something I think I’d have fun learning how to do and would help me better for my path.

With this blogging challenge I gave myself done, I want to keep challenging myself with art but not just with left hand doodles. I want to have the time to focus on stories to tell and mediums to improve on and explore. I want to create art that people like enough to support me so I can support myself…. But in due time I guess. In the meantime, I will continue to work silently over here, updating periodically… Probably with a new challenge to keep ya entertained ;)

Hope you like the doodles.

❤ ClarizeYale

P.S. I probably will have a new challenge because I decided to join a Facebook group doing The Artist’s Way Workbook together. The dude who made the group is a business coach though so I’m kind of confused of the correlation… so we will see how it goes. It would be good to do it anyways.

P.P.S. As I wrap this up, I am listening to the Don’t Keep Your Day Job interview with OhJoy. OhJoy was one of the first designers/bloggers that I started to follow that decided to start freelancing to get to where she is now… This was years ago… so it’s as though the universe is coming full circle to show me my own path.

You can do it!

Happy New Year!

Tiz the time for resolutions and new beginnings, setting goals, and getting rid of what does not benefit you.

This last week, I had my first winter break in what feels like forever. I wish I did more with my time off or really took advantage of it but instead, I got into a huge argument with a neighbor for being parking hogs and it resulted in them “doughing” my car only a few days later. I was livid, especially at the fact that I can’t press any charges because there’s no proof that they did it (though SUPER OBVIOUS, UGH)… but mostly, I was sad that these people have the mental state to do such a thing. Especially as a business.

This whole incident had taken up my mental and emotional being for about 7 days total. My break was 11 days long. During that 11 day long break, I wanted to travel down to SoCal or Hawai’i. I wanted to draw and make plans for the upcoming new year. I wanted to be productive… Instead, I let these people get the worst of me and I allowed myself to be swallowed by the bullshit.

I let myself lose focus.

I was so riled up that I didn’t focus on the holidays, I didn’t focus on the things that I planned to do, I put all my energy towards this…. incident…. It took over me… It felt like it broke me.

I tried sketching the other day and fuck, I felt like I sucked again. I couldn’t make a face look right, the features were off, everything was off. I was lost as to what I even wanted to sketch even though I literally just made a whole list of things that I wanted to draw. And yet, I still didn’t feel good about it.

I let myself lose focus again.

I spoke with a potential coach. I’m super interested in paying someone to motivate me and believe in me as well as helping guide my next steps. This whole thing is scary and I’m not even sure if I’m making any of the right moves but it’d be nice to have someone help push me along. What’s funny is, all it is is YOURSELF making YOUR OWN GOALS and them reminding you to do them. It also gives you a sense of accountability. You are literally investing in yourself…. Only problem is, it’s out of my budget! and the coaching sessions are during my work hours :( I’d have to make something happen.

This reminded me to not lose focus.

I have "big plans”. They may not be BIG in the same sense other people may see as big but they’re bit to me. Bigger than I could imagine. But not big enough that you’d see me on billboards or subways. But big enough that I would be surrounded by people who really support my art. And so… here are some goals I want to accomplish for the year, moves I want to make… but I also need to do things tactically, for now, while I can.

Some of my goals for this year include:
- More personal illustration work. Portraits. Revisiting series I started but havent finish. Maybe start anew or pick up and work my way back.
(Sailor Scouts. Sanrio. Marvel Swimsuit Edition)…
- More cannabis and pinay related illustrations. These would be like… areas of study for me. Studying both cultures while living them (heh) would allow me to create more work about them. These are things I’d like to share with you all.
- Do more plant and portrait studies. I find that I want to draw or paint pretty plants but ughh I suck. But really, I don’t… Because I HAVE drawn flowers from studies and I should just do them rather than wish that I was better at them. Same with portraits :P
- Create more illustrations for organizations and charities. I love being an active part of the community in small and large ways. As you know, one of my goals is to have a small percentage of my sales go towards an organization that can provide services to those in need.. such as those with breast cancer, animal and environmental welfare, as well as non-profits for youth and homeless families. Outside of this, I want to continue to volunteer… This time, I’m shooting for a garden so I can take pics for this next goal.
- Open a “passive income” shop like Society6 or Printful. I have a few ideas but mainly I’d love to use Printful to print on clothing, like sports bras and leggings using #kaliedoscopeclaire. This would also force me to take new photos as well as taking full advantage of Photoshop or Illustrator… cuz I can T_T
- Embroider clothing/make my own clothing. This is a stretch. Embroidery takes up a lot of time for me and I’m lost as to how I want to design my shirts. I had an idea but it was a small one. The type of tops I want are also hard to come by at an inexpensive price. Either I make em myself or maybe thrifting is in order.
- Make zines. Drawing simply is a challenge. Creating a story is a challenge. Making a small, tiny, cohesive book (maybe it doesn’t even have to be a story?!) would be the goal. Have a few ideas… like a Filipino language book for bebe’s…
- Actively use Patreon. This is a tough one for me because… I don’t create consistently and am not really sure how to start. This is definitely a scary way to make yourself accountable… like oh shit. IT’S REAL! I like the way Frannerd does it cuz she explains that because of Patreon, she is able to do her studies, buy specific material, and go to certain places in order to make more art for her followers. What a great way to support an artist!
- Attend more art/plant/interest related events. Explained a bit more below.

These are only my art related goals … I do wish at times I didn’t have to “work” so I can get to work but ya girl needs to eat. But hey, isn’t that why Patreon and commissioned work and all that exists?

The second to last reason why no one may like my art is this:

25. You aren’t aware of the world around you

Maintaining a healthy interest in the world around us and the knowledge accrued through doing so will add a depth to your art and the service you provide for the better. I wrote in another post that eradicating ignorance is one of the biggest hurdles to progress of any kind. It will likely benefit your creativity too.

I’d like to believe I have a healthy interest in the world around me… but that definitely did not show during my break. I thought I’d force myself to wander and get inspired but instead I did the opposite, I allowed myself to lose focus and be angered and all up in my head… But it was a good reminder that I really do allow myself to lose focus… That instead, I should be doing the things I love and surround myself by what inspires me so that I can create beautiful things for you all. I also should be surrounding myself with people that support me. Sometimes this feels very lonely… but I’m not sure what’s worse, not knowing you have supporters or have people tell you to do the exact opposite of what you love to do.

Last year, I wanted to attend more fairs, cons, and other plant/earthy related events and I literally WENT TO NONE. I scribbled them down onto post it notes and never posted them back up for me to keep track of. This time, I took the time to put all the ones I wanted to go to in my calendar so that it’s readily in my phone and I can plan my upcoming days around it.

This isn’t to say this last year wasn’t all crap. I got to visit the Philippines with my family and B, we attended quite a few weddings, my sister is finally my age when she was born (or conceived?), I attended the Entrepinays summit, I completed TWO commissions this year (hoping to double that…..), anddd I’m still here.

Like I told the coach, “I’m not gonna do all this then decide to stop.” I want to keep going, I just need to be going in my direction.


^ click me ^

Here’s the last commission (unedited except for a few clean ups) I did for Kaya Essentials. “Kaya Natin” means “we can [do it]” in Tagalog and the pin on her shirt stands for Gabriela Silang, a Filipina revolutionary leader who fought against the Spaniards during the British occupancy. The Brits said they were gonna help too but they also suck…. they did not 🙄

Learning about this was really cool and painting a brown woman for a really awesome brand was even cooler. I can’t wait to try their products as well as support their cause. For each purchase, a school meal is provided for for a child in the Philippines. How awesome is that? Just being in Novaliches, you can see that the children aren’t being very well taken care of… Neither are their efforts for the earth (I watched someone drink from a plastic cup then mindlessly let it fall from their hands onto the street… with all the other trash 😭)

I was also kind of nervous pursuing this. If you follow me, you’d know I’ve been mainly working with markers lately and it’s been quite a while since I’ve made a full watercolor piece, with NO INK in fact :o but I absolutely LOVE how it turned out and overall, what I was able to accomplish… I’d love to get back into working with watercolor combined with ink and markers and hope to see that in upcoming works .


I also hope to keep up with “diary-ing”. I definitely worry if all I’m doing is complaining or actually being real about my struggles and efforts. I’m also just ONE POINT AWAY from trying to prove to myself why no one likes my art but with every point, I continue to prove myself wrong. Obviously, people are into what I make and I hope to make more!

*Here’s to an abundant 2019*

❤ ClarizeYale

P.S. I made a Ko-fi. If you’re out there reading this and you want to help support me in a tiny way, I’d really appreciate it. If you can’t support me financially, telling others I’m awesome, sharing my working, and even letting me know you love my art are wonderful ways to let me know you care.

P.P.S. I’m trying to figure out a way to brand myself… whether it’s visually or verbally, I am me and I guess… that’s part of my “brand” … my identity. Does it make sense that I have a sour mouth and a sweet heart? ;P


Burn baby, burn!

Hello!

It’s been a while so I thought I’d update a little bit as well as continue with this little challenge that has taken TWO years to complete… I figured that I can’t stop now, I only have 3— now 2 of these things left. I will say, the way I’ve approached this has changed significantly since I first started it but guess what, so has my art style! As well as the improvement I’m seeing since I’ve first started. If you so happen to have been following me on this journey, I’m sure you’ve noticed too. Anyways, to get on with it…

24. You spread yourself too thinly

The best art springs out of a determination to remain focused on making more with less. Taking on too much will inevitably result in less concerted effort placed on more stuff, and your work will suffer as a result.

Get really good at one thing. Excel at one thing, before moving on to the next if you must. All else is distraction.

Stoner Bae - Festival Grl

This right here has definitely been a struggle… At the start of becoming serious, I wanted to not only draw but I wanted to paint, illustrate, make clothing, make perler beads, make anything and everything to create products to sell. WELL, that’s tough because not only did I not have the womanpower to do all those things, I didn’t have the time… I work full-time so I’m very limited in what I can spend my time on. IF I were full-time freelancing it, that’s a different story but this is not the case.

It’s funny this comes up because the last Creative Pep Talk episode also talked about this, the struggle of wanting to do everything. Though there isn’t anything wrong with wanting to venture out and do many things, it is important to focus and be good/great/awesome at one thing before moving on to something else. Andy also mentions that sometimes being good/great/awesome at that one thing may not even take a year, it may take several years! Sheesh, so when do you do the other things you want to do?!

Honestly, I don’t know but I do know that sometimes I can’t just stick with illustrating in one way, sometimes I want to explore or learn and do something completely out of my comfort zone or something that peaks my curiosity. Again, nothing wrong with this but how does one manage the time to do this?

WELL… I think the best way to tackle this is either by doing challenges or creating personal projects as well as getting creative with time management.

I would say I’m pretty organized but when it comes to time management, I feel like I have no time to do anything or need to do everything NOW and FAST. If I wanted to crash and burn at an accelerated rate, then I should’ve kept going at the pace I was at. Thanks to Instagram Ads, an ad for Lisa Congdon’s time management class for creatives came up and I had been skipping the ad incessantly. My thinking was this was useless but as it kept coming up, my wants continued to overwhelm me, and finally, there was a sale for the class so I said fuck it.

Stoner Bae - Disco Eyes

What Lisa shares is that projects need to be done in small chunks at a time, especially if you’re juggling multiple things. The way she broke it down of where and how to keep track of current running projects is so simple and easy, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it. In a world filled with apps and systems and all that shit, all you really need is an excel spreadsheet (or the free version, google sheets), a notebook or weekly planner, and your consistent persistence. Giving yourself deadlines for each small part of the project is also important and keeps you accountable.

Maybe at some point, there won’t be a lot of commissions going on, I think this would be the best time to start a challenge if you’re looking to learn something new. Maybe at some point, you’re over freelance work and want to work on something for yourself, this would probably be the best time to work on a personal project. Maybe a commissioned work requires you to do 10 illustrations and you’re like, when the fuck will all this be done?

At first, I wasn’t sure if this would work. I was so used to just coming home, sketch, then ink, then color for hours cuz I was determined to get a doodle done. It took a toll on my health, my work, and relationships. I tried this out and I am so amazed at how great it felt to break things into small pieces, work on them (by time blocking), cross things off a list, and feel confident that I would get something done either on time or sooner than expected. Not only that, it helped me regain confidence in my skills. I constantly felt as if my ability to draw (despite always having the ability to do so for 80% of my life) was a fluke and that I would not be able to pick up the drawing the next day. Guess what, it’s not a fluke, my skills didn’t go anywhere, and if anything, that break gives me time to walk away, think about my next steps, and come back refreshed and ready to rock.

If you’re interested in regaining control of your life with all those projects you’ve got lined up, I encourage you to 1. listen to creative pep talk and 2. take Lisa’s time management class. I spent an afternoon watching the whole thing and by the last few episodes, I was already setting up my spreadsheet and getting down to business.


Stoner Bae - Wild n Free

My doodles for todays posts were something I completed way before I took the class but even then, I was trying to stay focused and complete some sort of a series. These are on sale as prints and when I released them last week, they were up for a donation sale that had 100% of the proceeds go directly to the Camp Fire Relief Fund to help those affected by the fires in Butte County. Because of this want to help people, it forced me to create a facebook business page, a stripe account for quick and easy payments, and to share my work without fear or judgement from others. All in all, I raised $235 from the prints and threw in $45 for a donation of $280. THIS. WAS. AWESOME. Honestly, the greatest feeling ever despite not making any return LOL. The prints are still for sale but only 5% of the proceeds from these prints will be donated to the Northern California Fire Relief Fund in case there are any more fires in the future (this has been an exceedingly new norm for us here).

One of my goals is to set up each print I have for sale to have some percentage be donated to local organizations, research funds, and charities. Not only do I want to be able to share my gifts with others, make a decent living off of art, but I want to be able to help others too. It’s also REALLY EASY to donate so why not?

These were super fun to make and I’m glad I had so many people supported my mission. I can’t wait to make new things to share with you all and hopefully you’re excited tooooo

❤ ClarizeYale

PS. I hope you had a very Happy Thanksgiving!